Recently I started marking time by anticipating how old I will be when my grandson turns 7, or 10, 15 or impossibly 20. This goes against any advice to live in the present. Who am I kidding? I have always looked to the future, either with planning or dread. I don’t think I’m going to change at age 70. But hey, everyone seems to be 70 now, right? Oprah. Al Roker. And all my high school friends of course. I don’t talk to Oprah or Al, but my friends all have varying expectations for this new milestone. Health is among the biggest, understandably. One of the cruelest parts of aging is the unknown. After reading Being Mortal by Atul Gawande, I understand that we all are ok until we aren’t. And then all bets are off. We can stay in our home, until we can’t. We can choose where we live, until we can’t. We can live our way, until we can’t. A friend who has recently moved to an assisted living apartment, chosen by her son, said to me the other day, “Watch out for your children.” She didn’t mean in traffic. My son admonishes me for operating from a place of fear. No shit. What sane person wouldn’t be afraid of the future in aging? Thinking we are prepared and have planned well is just an illusion.
Am I spinning a bit, sure, and tomorrow I will continue to plan, prepare, worry and do my best to build a soft landing against time. Let’s see, I’ll be only 74 when he turns 7. Good ages to go to the zoo, the park, the beach and have long talks about his future. I will tell him to be brave. Take chances for the things you want to achieve. Reach for the stars my love.
Hi Judy - thank you for sharing your wisdom! It all makes me think. And plan. And imagine.
I have a lot of favorite movies and don’t hesitate to “borrow” some of the best lines. This posts makes me think of The Shawshank Redemption when Red (played by Morgan Freeman) says to Andy (played by Tim Robbins), “you can spend your time living, or you can spend your time dying”. But I don’t think it’s a binary decision. As Mr. Miyagi told Daniel in the Karate Kid, “you must have balance.”
So kudos for thinking ahead to your grandson’s important life moments and how you will celebrate them, while also acknowledging that time marches on.